"Unlike me, they would not love her", so said Janet Cameron, in April 2006, rejecting the option of her 24-year old daughter being in permanent care. "One day, we may have to accept that Sophie would be better off living elsewhere, that we can no longer manage. But I will feel that I have failed her again." For a year, Janet had been writing in the Guardian of being a carer for her daughter. It is evident that being Sophie's parent, her Mum, was first and foremost.
On 30th May 2006, Sophie died suddenly and unexpectedly.
Janet's last "Who Cares?" column appeared on 6 September 2006.
Sarah' like most evenings, is sitting on the sofa in the front room, drawing while listening to tapes and watching Jamie Oliver on TV. Her Mum has gone upstairs - possibly to check emails. I'm .... well, I'm writing this. In all, a very ordinary evening. Typical even. We've had an easy pleasant day. Indistinguishable from almost any other Saturday. The sun shone for a while: a chance to continue tidying up in the garden, ready for spring.
We are at the point when it is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and - what is perhaps more important but probably counts for little in the scheme of things - we should like to have for ourselves what time remains to us of our own lives.
Ideally, we would find somewhere for Sarah to live with her friend, Kirstin. But we are no nearer solving that than we were when she left school 11 years ago. As a society, we seem to have no solution, no system to manage the transition to living independently - for young adults or their parents.
Like Janet Cameron, I find the thought of Sarah going into care unbearable. yet if something should happen to one of her parents before we get her settled, that is what will happen. Who, in care, would love her, like her Mum and I do?
